Monday, May 18, 2009

母语

Who says Ah Lian English is poor? Just read below – hers’ one is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Ah Lian: Sorry no stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is Jude Law. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
Ah Lian: Hello, who called me just now?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
Ah Lian: Siam a bit can or not?

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Ah Lian: I buy you drink.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Ah Lian: (pointing at the door) Can use or not?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Ah Lian: No need feel shy-shy one.

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Ah Lian: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Ah Lian: I don’t want.

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err... Leo, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Ah Lian: You siao is it?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Ah Lian: Shut up!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
Ah Lian: What the fuck are you staring at?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Ah Lian: I die…

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Ah Lian: Why like that one?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.
Ah Lian: Like that also don't know how to do meh?

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?
Ah Lian: Fuck off!

13 comments:

That My Goal said...

有些是牛头不对马嘴的

钪凯 said...

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
Ah Lian: LOOK what lxnjxao?

阿恺 said...

hahahahaha ~ i m also so ah lian sometimes!

bluesky said...

okok...i Siam for u, u walk u walk~~

paul lee said...

I'm ah beng too!

Aiyo,local english more friendly lah!
if u dun like ahlianahbeng english then pls go back mars, earth is very dangerous now.

paul lee said...

我喜欢这篇,虽然之前好像在email看过。
不过还是很好笑~

阿祥 said...

女KK.

不是我说的,不过这是你最新的称呼。

et™ said...

That My Goal
恭喜!恭喜!

那证明你的英文造诣深厚嘛。


许钪凯
WHEN SOMEONE LEAVE A COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG

Yankee: Hey, I am kinda like your post, can we be friends?

Ah Lian: Friend lan-jiao!

温柔提醒:以上回复留言纯属玩笑。


阿恺
He he he... me too.

*Blush*

(请大姐替外星人保守秘密……)


Bluesky
为了不想再引起博界的轩然大波,阁下的意思是...

[ 好的,好的,我闪开,你走!你走!]

哈哈哈,你的留言笑死我啦!


阿葆 Paul
除了第一篇不知所谓的外星人自传,其他都是从朋友转载贴上来的啦!

写英文写到我差点吐血身亡…………

I'll be back!

Everybody watch out.


阿祥
亲爱的,一种米养百样人,外星人早已看破红尘,难道你还没有放下心中的怨恨?

最近我忙着学人家搞些网站小生意哦,私下再和你八卦。

帶刺の蝴蝶 said...

manglish 比 english 有趣多了。

大家都是ah lian ah beng啦~~~

lala said...

Britons: i gonna warn u ur presence are pretty annoying,be aware if i lost my manner and harm u..

AH Beng:kanxxia!! u still here AHH..u want lim beh chop u 18 pieces or not ahh??still dun want to siam AHH...

lala said...

Britons: i beg u pardon can u rephrase what u just mentioned

Ah Beng: OIII...kilxxgan ahh?? REPEAT...

song_4ever said...

I love the last one, straight and directly.

Waiting for your return.

et™ said...

帶刺の蝴蝶
Manglish 确实不是纯正的英语,要学习别人的母语,就要讲好好来,就好像我们也希望别人能够尊重我们的母语一样。

让外星人感到纳闷的是,为什么英文了不起的香蕉人总是比我们多了一份优越感?没有放弃母语的我们为什么又会因为英文烂而感到自卑呢?奇怪嘛!

你的 “大家都是阿炳阿莲”令人很有亲切感哦。


Lala
哈哈哈,你的 Manglish 笑死我啦!

厉害咯你!赢 liao 咯。


Song_4ever
ET will be back on Friday.

Woohoo ~ finally can blog in Mandarin liao, damn happy!